Many of you are facing crisis right now; health problems, relationship dissolutions, or more commonly, financial crisis. Unfortunately, I have been thinking about crisis management a lot lately. I’ve had a six month hiatus from blogging due to my own crisis-o-rama… my mother, in her seventies, started having health issues for the first time in her life about a year ago. Five doctors, 14 days of hospitalization and a zillion tests later we had our answer-multiple myeloma, a rare blood cancer with a 5-year survival rate that can hover in the teens.
I immediately went into ‘crisis mode’. I became the ever-dutiful daughter, taking her to appointments, researching on the internet and organizing lab tests. Jumping at the chance to control an uncontrollable situation, I attempted to use all of my wellness coaching knowledge in support of my mother’s recovery. She would learn to meditate, take the right supplements, follow a strict cancer-killing diet, and consult with the best specialists.
Problem is my mom wants a steak dinner, not a strict vegan diet. Meditation makes her nervous and supplements upset her stomach. In an effort to win this cancer battle, I forgot that my mom is still inhabiting her body, she is still in control and damn it, she wants a cheeseburger! While I was in full-on battle mode, she was hurting, confused and wanted the familiarity of her old habits and life.
In my quest to revamp my mom’s life, I started to ignore my own health. Sleep went by the wayside, replaced by late-night internet searches for the ‘perfect’ cure. My blood sugars crept up as caffeine and sugar worked their way into my diet. My terrified mind started latching onto the future- will chemo be too strong for her, should we consider a transplant, are we doing enough? I had a hard time being in the present moment with her with my mind jumping into the future. Sitting with my mom during a 12-hour marathon of tests I realized I was too tired and depleted to offer her the support she needed. By ignoring my health and my needs I was cheating her of the alert, calm shoulder she needed to lean on.
Of course she could use behavior modifications to improve her health, but a complete lifestyle overhaul was just too much for her right now. I always advise clients to make changes slowly, to integrate healthy habits step by step and here I was backing up a dump truck and insisting my mom throw her entire existence into it.
Our souls are bigger than our bodies and right now my mom’s soul needs attending, not her body.
WOW. Life was teaching me some powerful lessons, above all: going into crisis mode shortchanges you and your loved ones. By taking a step back from the situation, remaining calm and in the present moment does more good than amp-ing up your adrenaline and attacking the problem. You are more likely to find good solutions when you remain grounded and open to possibility, not dictating outcomes. I can’t control the future, I can only control right now.
So it has been back to the drawing board; honoring my mom’s wishes, stepping back and taking life one moment at a time and replenishing my own reserves so I can be fully present and energized to help my mom heal.
